The Power of Forgiveness
Not ready to forgive them, yet?
I truly understand this feeling. Forgiveness is not easy. When someone hurts you, holding anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge towards them often feels like getting even. Unfortunately, this hurts you more than the person you intend to hurt.
Healing from the past emotional traumas is a long and difficult process. Each of us faced traumatic experiences before – the loss of loved ones, humiliation, aggression, failure, betrayal, etc., the list goes on and on. With time the pain get less intense, but the destructive energy that was created at the moment of traumatic event stays within us. And continues to destroy us from the inside, manifesting itself as depression, fear, causeless anxiety, insomnia or psychosomatic diseases.
Forgetting is not an option. If we have been hurt, it is useless to pretend that nothing happened. Forgiveness takes time. Too rapid forgiveness is illusory and can turn against us. This is an inside job. It is not easy, but ultimately frees us and gives us the strength to live on.
Acts of holding on to negative emotions or waiting for genuine remorse or an apology from the person who hurt you in the long-run affect your health and future relationships.
I know, forgiving is not easy, but is it necessary for the sake of your sanity and your long-term physical health.
Often we forgive others for their words or deeds, but there are cases when it is very difficult (almost impossible) for us to forgive someone who had touched us to the very depths of our being. Cruel parents, a man who attacked us or a driver who killed someone we loved in a drunk driving accident – we need to do a lot of inner work to forgive them. In any case, forgiveness towards those who brought suffering and grief cannot be taken for granted… However, all those who could forgive their offenders say that this step brought them liberation and filled their lives with new energy.
The release of energy stuck in negative feelings causes an exalted state. It opens up true feelings and emotions, creating transformation and release of blocked negative emotions from our subconscious mind and energetic body.
Forgiveness Benefits You
Decades of studies have proven the positive correlation between forgiveness and healthier, longer lifespans.
Few years ago the Stanford Forgiveness Project trained 260 adults in a 6-week course forgiveness course. All participants indicated improvements in their emotional and physical well-being afterwards. 182 reported reduced feelings of hurt, 44 experienced fewer physical complaints (headaches, pain, upset stomachs, etc.) and 34 reported reduced anger.
Practicing forgiveness have been also linked to increased longevity and better immune system. It can even lower your blood pressure and improve cardiovascular health as well.
So many benefits and so hard to do! How do we get there?
Begin the process by forgiving with an open mind and heart. I typically encourage starting with forgiveness affirmations. Then you can do this mindful exercise.
Forgiveness Affirmations
The past will not shape my future relationships. I live in the present.
I am understanding of the imperfections of humanity. I am willing to forgive.
As I forgive myself, I better able to forgive everyone for all perceived wrongs.
The more I forgive, the more I make way for new, healthy relationships and kind, loving actions.
I am willing to forgive. I am ready to be healed. All is well in my life.
6 Steps to Forgiveness
1. Validate your emotions. Feel the emotional distress the event or person had caused you, but don’t judge yourself for experiencing those feelings. It’s normal to feel them and we all have been there before.
2. Reduce the intensity of those emotions. Try to see the hurtful event from the third person perspective, distancing yourself from it. Imagine yourself in the movie theater and see yourself watching this hurtful event being a movie playing on the black and white small screen in the distance in front of you. This will help dissociate you from the event and reduce the intensity of attached emotions.
3. Recognize the imperfect nature of humanity. Accept the loss. Let go of anger and resentment. I always teach my clients Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and do some Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) techniques with them to help with this process. You can also use The Process of Ho’oponopono.
4. In your mind, imagine the person who hurt you and offer words of forgiveness: “I forgive ____ for what you did. I will no longer allow the pain your actions knowingly or unknowingly caused to have power over my life anymore.”
5. If the person who hurt you is still present in your life, when you feel no anger or resentment towards this individual, have a discussion with him/her. Review your relationship and choose to end them or set strong personal boundaries with this person.
6. Finally, the most important thing – we have a way to get rid of negative emotions and unnecessary hurts towards ourselves and other people. We really need to forgive and accept ourselves to begin with. Such an approach should be the starting point in your new successful and happy life.
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