The fear of being alone often forces women to hold on to relationships that have died out long ago and to confuse obsession for love.
Infatuation with each other and dissolution in one another are often proportional not to the strength of love but more to the strength of loneliness and suffering that predated the meeting of the two.
Obsession is a word for codependent relationships (in an ordinary, non-scientific language), dissolving in one another, or on the contrary – cruelty and disrespect. Everything that destroys our self-worth, making us weaker and more miserable, cannot be ‘love.’
Fascination with a partner creates a feeling of life’s fullness. When we fall in love, we feel alive. And that “alive” feeling just comes to us; we don’t have to work on developing it.
At first, these emotions are positive, and then, if the attraction does not grow into love, it becomes a disappointment and brings along its best companions: the feeling of betrayal, pain, loss, and meaninglessness.
Many people think that when love comes into their lives, all their problems will disappear. Yet that is not what happens. We do not just find happiness in relationships; we bring it with us from within.
Unlike true love, obsessive relationships are not worth treasuring. Those relationships damage our minds and bodies and ruin our lives.
Love is like a precious stone, and obsession is like a fake, often quite a rough one. If we can understand what is fake in our lives and what is precious, then it will be easier to make the right choice for yourself.
We need to expand our understanding of love, put an effort into overcoming codependency, and must certainly have a radical self-love to ourselves.
In this case, we can stop “feeding” on what poisons us: do not talk to people after a conversation with which you feel bad and do not agree externally to things that you do not agree with internally.
For many women, the emotional trauma and recovery process from painful relationship experiences is a natural step for the formation of her personality.
It is a step in order to descend to the very bottom, be humiliated, start hating the entire male gender, then become disappointed and lose faith. And, only with time, to hopefully realize that the man is not the reason – you are.
It is you who loves yourself far, far too little, and does not value yourself or respect yourself. That is why you allow your partner’s wounded psyche to do whatever it is capable of to you.
You are also very much afraid to be alone. You can be strong and independent, own a house, a car, and everything else – and still not be self-fulfilling. You are lonely, uncomfortable with yourself, and afraid to be left alone.
Of course, your mind will tell you why you’re clutching onto this man: after all – you love him. Yet this is not love. It is not love at all. It is dependency. A heavy, scary love dependency. When it is impossible to be together, and it is impossible to be apart.
I am confident that love is only possible when you are not afraid to lose your partner. You can be sad without him; at times, you will get lonely, but it will not cause panic or feelings of hopelessness.
When you have trust in yourself and the world and are free from the patterns and programs running in your subconscious mind, you know that pain does not have a great meaning.
It is about how you choose to feel. You can always say NO to what brings you pain and receive something better that brings you happiness and satisfaction.
You can make this choice consciously, without being led on by fears: the fear of rejection, of the unknown, of loneliness, and other fears.
When you descend to the bottom of your feelings, reaching complete helplessness and disarray, there is no reason to choose codependency over and over.
It is easy to write this down, but restarting yourself (and you do need to restart yourself in a way to change your deeply held patterns) can be quite difficult.
It can take years for this to happen, moreover – years of feeling alone. Yet, there is no other way. The first step in codependency recovery is to end all suffering in one moment, just cutting off the painful ties.
You will face new suffering from the loss of the relationship, similar to the drug withdrawal syndrome. This is where you need to go to relationship coaches or psychologists to get better.
Become a mature, complete personality is your main job. Spiritual healing is a process. It takes time and dedication.
And it is worth living through withdrawal to live freely and happily afterward.
If you want me to help you in this healing journey and guide you through the process, contact me here.
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