About Self-Love
The capacity of people to deceive themselves is astonishing. I like asking the simplest of questions: “Do you love yourself?” It always creates a surprising look: “Of course, I do!”
And from the first look she absolutely does. This beautiful young woman obviously takes a good care of her looks, wears designer clothes and precious jewelry and drives expensive car…
Yet in the process of a simple conversation, she makes tons of excuses for this and that, behaves extremely insecurely and plays the part of “poor me”, secretly expecting me to understand her hardships and feel sorry for her. Next a multitude of flaws come to the surface, which truth to be told are the ones that the expensive make-up, clothing and weekly salon visits are supposed to conceal.
The conclusion is strict: low self-esteem, emotional instability, chaos in the thoughts, lack of confidence in tomorrow and her own strength, fear of being alone, variety of complexes, and an inability to create healthy relationships with other people (not even mentioning the opposite sex).
Of course, a rapid wave of resentment comes as a response: “What are you talking about? I can’t build relationships with other people???”
Taking a deep breath, we begin to dig deeper and analyze:
“My boyfriend is making me miserable and hurting my feelings.”
Because?
“I think that he not interested in a committed relationship with me and might leave me. I worry because of that.”
Because?
“I’m afraid to be left alone.”
Because?
“What if I will no longer be able to find love? I am afraid of that.”
Because?
“I am afraid that nobody else will be interested in me as a woman.”
Because?
“I don’t feel confident”.
Here we go. So where is love in all this? The fear of loneliness, of the lack of interest from the opposite sex, of being betrayed and left behind, feelings of being not good enough and not lovable are all typical forms of codependency and have nothing to do with love whatsoever!
Instead of being a permanent victim of circumstances and other people, blaming them, attempting to change them, and trying to make someone treat you better, it is way more effective to look within and try to do something with YOURSELF. Learn to love yourself, to accept yourself as you are, to approve of yourself. Learn to become more mindful of yourself, of your feelings and needs.
If you don’t love or accept yourself, if you are constantly afraid of losing what you have and holding on to it out of fear for losing it, you will never decide to create any changes in your life. You will be lonely out of fear of loneliness because the vibrations of fear and the lack of self-confidence will push away all potential partners.
If you don’t love yourself first, your self-doubts and dissatisfaction with yourself will increasingly build up your closed off and distant from others state of mind, which in turn will create a whole pile of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual diseases.
Remember: if you can honestly say: “I love myself“, then you will never practice meanness, anger, or annoyance towards yourself. You will not judge yourself or criticize yourself for any reason; you will stop worrying, being afraid, doubting yourself, your feelings, needs and wants. You will stop eating harmful foods, making the excuses that this is what you love. Your body is slowly dying because of this and you are the one killing it. You wouldn’t drink alcohol, killing your brain cells, and you will not smoke cigarettes, dirtying up your lungs. You will sleep at least 7 hours every night and you will allow yourself to relax throughout the day. You will respect yourself, since love and respect are the same. You will not allow negative thoughts to enter your mind, as they are toxic and get trapped in our body causing illnesses. You will stop lying or treat other people badly, as all this will boomerang back to you. We are the ones creating the mirrors in our lives, so you will be mindful about your mind, body and spirit to craft the reflection you desire.
Love is the only cure for all diseases and the remedy for your inner emotional scars. So, perhaps, it is time to honestly accept that you don’t have a radical self love and finally do something about it?